Here's the link, sorry.

http://photo.net/shared/portrait-bits.tcl?user_id=2407079

Empty moments

This path I've chosen to take uses many adjectives. Exciting, mysterious, loving, warm, selfless, exhausting, frightening, and just plain difficult. I've kind of been staggering lately, tripping over myself as I look to the right, left, and directly behind me. Some days I just stand there, looking at everything around me, ignoring the Goal, the Light, the Way. Everything I've picked up along this path I've kind of held onto, and now I'm scared of letting them go. Some days I assess the state I'm in and think about quitting this hike, this race, this journey. Satan's getting really good at convincing me why I should abandon the Way. I'm stuck between letting go of my life and letting go of my journey. I can either abandon my life and hop onto this thrill ride that is following Christ, or I can abandon that ride and keep my life. I can't keep both. It's not that I'm doubting God's existence or anything, haha, that's a little too drastic. It's just that I'm not feeling the closeness we used to have. It's very quiet. And that's a factor that I've caused. This disease of selfishness has once again, for the quadrillionth time, infected me. And the thing I find hating the most is exactly what I am. I HATE IT!!!!!!



^
Exactly how I feel. (I couldn't upload the picture, so I gave you a link)

No sleep

I haven't slept since Tuesday night/early Wednesday. Staying awake is weird. I want to read this book on harmony but I know I can't cus I'll fall asleep if I do. So I might as well just keep on hammerin' that D 212(1)1311. I'm into a lot of things in D right now. And every time my fingers dance across the keys, the sound that's produced spells out "you're at a standstill."

I'm waiting for the bus even though it's passed by me a thousand times. I just keep saying, "No, not now God."

Artists Block: Photography

I'm getting tired of this obstacle I have to overcome every time I set out somewhere with my camera. The obstacle is fear. Specifically, it's the self-conscious type of fear. Every time some friends and I are going somewhere, I try to have my camera with me. It's really one of the very few tools man has created that can accurately capture a moment. Maybe the only tool, because video is just a series of photographs. I go through phases with my photography and I'm in the "accurately capture the mood of the scene in any given moment" phase. I'm not worried about the color scheme, the composition or how well the light can play off my subject like I used to be. My greatest concern is capturing the essence of whatever I'm going through. The reason I'm into this documentary type of photography is because all too often, my mind gets caught in a time warp. I find my Imagination and I visiting the past, and as I'm there, Imagination screws up the accuracy of every moment. A memory ALONE is the cheapest process of time travel. They're housed on quicksand and they're able to mold into any shape imaginable, before you know it...they look nothing like the original because they've sunk into the ground and it's structure has been completely altered. I'll give some props to memory though...because without it, looking at a photograph would be like looking at a blank sheet of paper. Photographs would become useless without our memories. All I'm saying is that I can no longer rely on memory alone...I don't want to do away with it :P haha. The purpose photographs serve is to sustain an accurate depiction of an event in our minds. It keeps that memory alive. BUT I HAVEN'T TAKEN ANY BECAUSE I'M TOO WORRIED ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OF ME AS I'M FREEZING TIME!!!! HOW DUMB IS THAT!!!

I'm on this train that doesn't stop until my cart switches tracks leading it off the earth. Every beautiful landscape I pass I'm given the opportunity to take with me. And as I'm given the opportunity, I know I'll never get to visit it again. Even then, I decide to just take it all in with my eyes. So I keep riding, pressing my forehead against the window that has been stained with grease from me constantly looking back. The tragic thing about looking back is that we miss what's passing right in front of us.

A Late Fashion Comeback

I am convinced this style of clothing is going to make a comeback sometime in the near future. This isn't exactly what I picture coming back, but it's something close to this. I think it looks wicked.

Soup Kitchen

I can't elaborate very much, it's getting really late.....early.....but the worship service our missions group did today at the soup kitchen was awesome!!!! I don't know if it was God's Spirit leading my praise or if all the energy I put forth today was all my own. Either way, I tried to keep it to where I there was nobody around me. I emptied the room, destroyed the buidling, threw the earth and all the stars into a never ending abyss and let God fill the void.

Now that I think of it, this is the first time I've participated in leading a worship service. To give you a good idea of what we were working with I'll explain to you the setting. And I'm going to be real honest, I'm not going to try and cover it up with candy drop sweet talk and what have you.

The city we live in is so ethnically diverse. Everyone from around the world comes to Ft. Hood to in obedience to the Presidents orders. Not on there own, but we are forced to live together and invade surrounding neighborhoods. This causes too many problems to mention. One of the major problems that I'll touch on is the same problem every major U.S. city faces at one point in time or another. If I'm not mistaken, it's called the inner city flee or something like that. Basically it's where a vast amount of immigrants (in this case, soldiers) come and overwhelm the elites in the inner city, causing them, along with their businesses to flee leaving the immigrants in poverty. Downtown Killeen looks like a section from the Third Ward in Houston. Of course it's much nicer, but they're facing the same condition...and that condition is poverty. So this soup kitchen is owned by brothers and sisters in Christ and they do the soup kitchen thing. But what's really cool about them is that they don't just hand out food and while people are on their way out say "Jesus loves you." No. They put on a full blown church service in this 20X10' space.

So, apparently...one day, Kelsey was acting weird and decided to do the Napoleon Dynamite wave-your-hands-like-a-bird deal and the owner of the soup kitchen saw her doing this and screamed, "YES, YOU NEED TO DO THAT!!! I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT NEXT TIME YOU GUYS COME!" (I wasn't there, it's just what I've heard). So our missions group decided we should lead a worship service in the tightly compact dining area. So we got there and practiced in a room that was seriously no bigger than a middle-of-nowhere gas station restroom. It had enough space to fit a table and a couple of chairs, and a counter. So we went over the songs and the whole time, I was worried that our group would all make this whole thing about how good or bad we sound. So I told them all to make these songs your prayers to God. I know they here that every time they do corporate worship, but I seriously wanted to remind them of the importance of making your songs a prayer rather than a show. I find that when you sincerely sing to God, you sing with more enthusiasm. I know the level of enthusiasm is a major factor in leading worship. Ever since I saw Aaron in SFA at Student Life, I knew that it's absolutely necessary to show with your whole body, how much in love you are with God when leading worship. And the only way I know how to be enthusiastic about God is to actually be in His presence. Well, that's not the only way. But you get the point. So, basically, in a nutshell, everything went AMAZING!!!! We had people responding with smiles, clapping, standing up and dancing. There was this man beating the table SO HARD to the beat of "Into Marvelous Light I'm Running." Even though I had no intentions whatsoever to get a response from these people, it was great to see them. I'm in love with this talent God has given me to lead people to Christ through song, enthusiasm, and passion.

Cornered and overpowered with words and honesty.

I guess I consider myself a decent writer. I can usually paint a pretty vivid picture in an audiences mind using both abstract or concrete sentences. The writing I do here isn't writing. I'll assure you that. I think my favorite abstract idea I've done in writing recently has to be a description of tree's in the wind (I'm quoting myself, don't judge me. God gives me the ability to write, so per se, I'm quoting God)

"She can’t help but become hypnotized by nature’s beauty and the soft raindrop melody the treetops forever play as the wind composes her score."

I try to emphasize sentence fluency. If you can't read through a whole piece of literature fluently, it automatically turns the reader off. So that's my first emphasis. I think the second most important factor is word choice. When I do a serious piece of writing, I DETEST using words that have low comprehensive levels. It makes me sound unreliable! If you've ever received a text from me, you can see that what I value in writing also applies to texting. spelling annd gramer is a huge thing 2 me 2

haha

I think anybody who writes has to remove themselves from their own reality, and put themselves into their subjects small world. That's how I begin EVERYTHING I write about. I try to be more colorful in my writing when I'm engaged in dialogue simply because I'm not writing in place of someone else....I'm writing exactly how I feel. I'm able to grasp what I'm going through, how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, and turn them into a scaled down model of any given experience. It isn't easy, but it's fun.

When God speaks to me, I'm often left speechless. I just don't know what to say. But when I do find words to say, they're usually very simple and small statements like "take control" or "you are my Savior." Or a simple "Thank you, I love you." When I hear Him speak to me, it's enough to bring me to my knees in tears exclaiming how much I love Him. So it's not out of the ordinary for me to be rendered speechless when I hear from God.

But today was the first time a human said something to me so comforting, relieving, honest, beautiful, and loving I am still, to this very moment, left with nothing else to say. And the things I said back in response were things this person already knew. I felt defeated, as if I were cornered and overpowered with words and honesty.

I can tell you one thing though...I love being cornered and overpowered with words and honesty by this person.
There's just nowhere else for us to go after that.